Racist jokes, we all know them, we all love them

[Durin]

Like the title states, we all know them, we all love them.

Here's the place to post them, and hopefully laugh your ass off. Im not a racist and probably the people who post here arent either, if you dont like the jokes, stay out and dont read them.

Anybody got some good Dutch people jokes?

[Durin]

How do you get a bunch of jews on a bus?
-tell them Hitler is coming

How do you get them off again?
-tell them it runs on gas

[Durin]

Whats a negro in an airballoon?
-airpollution

Whats sad about a boat sinking with 500 negros on them?
-the boat could have fitted a thousand

Whats a jew in a sewer?
-swimming instructor

Whats a negro dumping trash in a bin?
-interior decorator

Why doesnt a negro mind when his car gets stolen?
-at least it stays in the family

hehehehe

[Jarous]

Q: How did the Irish acid-bath murderer loose his hand?
A: Pulling out the plug.

Q: How do you get a one-armed Irishman out of a tree?
A: Wave at him.

Q: Why did the Irishman refuse to be a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Because he didn't see the accident.

Q: What do you call an Irishman with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What's two miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Saint Patrick's Day Parade.

Q: What do you call an Irishman with a university degree?
A: A liar.

Q: How do you keep an Irishman happy in his old age?
A: Tell him a joke when he's young.

Q: How do you keep an Irishman busy for hours?
A: Put three spades on the wall and tell him to take his pick.

Q: Did you hear about the Irish lesbian?
A: She likes men.

[Durin]

Good ones, the only sad thing is, because we are from different countries we have different nationalities we make fun off.
Id still like to hear some about dutch people, I bet were pretty greedy.

[Jarous]

Originally Posted by Durin

the only sad thing is, because we are from different countries we have different nationalities we make fun off.

What's so sad about it? It's funny, I think, how we can mutually joke one about the other, don't you think?
Most racist/ethnic jokes in my country are about gypsies, jews and the scottish - nothing at all about the Dutch. What about you?

[frish]

Great thread, shitty jokes. It may not seem like it now, but my post will get funnier. . .

As a very amateur stand up comedian, I studiously avoid racist/ethnic humor.
Why antagonize someone in the paying audience? There are alternatives, see below for my solution to this problem. . .

My mother always said that ethnic humor started in Texas, as it was initiated by the University of Texas attempting to characterize the Texas State Agricultural and Mechanical college (Texas A&M). So, all ethnic jokes are actually "aggie" jokes.

As has already been pointed out on this thread, each country/nationality has a set of jokes against another country. Ethnic humor is as old as the extended family us versus them, we who we hold dear - everyone else, Jews and Goyim, Muslims and Infidels, Christians and Everyone Not Christian.

We like to join groups, and that leads immediately to who is in and who is out! The "outs" are the butt of the jokes!

In the US, Polish jokes are popular, with Poles seeming quite stupid in general, rather like Blonde Jokes.

In the UK, they hate the French (Frogs), the French hate the Germans (Krauts), and the Germans hate the British (Roastbeef (the French for Brit! (derogatory, said fast, denoting over cooked food!)).

Everyone in South East Asia hates Japan, but they don't tell jokes about it!

Frijolero (bean eater or "beaner") is a derogatory term for a Mexican in the US, legal or otherwise.

Interesting all the food references, eh? Hate me, hate my food.

Just all the great terms for "others"
Nigger, wop, kike, beaner, slant, gook, chink, coon, whitey, honkey, guinea, homo, fag, jewboy, redneck, effeete intellectual snob, nerd (or nurd or as I have heard, Knurd (opposite of Drunk, the two types of students!)

Now for some really great ethnic humor from Desert Storm, it didn't last long, but boy were there some great jokes!)


What is the difference between a men's basketball team and Iraqi women?
The basketball team showers after the fourth period!

If Turkey invaded Iraq from the rear, do you think Greece would help?

Did you hear about the Dutch navy? They sent a warship down to the Gulf, to assist with the Iraqi War effort. When they arrived, Fidel asked them what the fuck they were doing near Havana. . .

(Original, Desert Storm version was Belgian navy, but Holland's will do!)

What's the difference between any of Saddam's Palaces and a Rap Star's house? You are sure to find WMD at the Rap Star's house!

I'm sure there is some great joke about Dutch, dikes, boy's thumbs and Tulips (or two lips) but I don't know any. Not that much funny about the Netherlands I guess.

So, to avoid using any ethnic, country of origin or other racist joke, use Heroin Addicts as your foil:

Two Heroin Addicts were shooting up in an alley, and sharing a needle. A policemen walks by, does a double take, and immediately arrests them both. The Addicts ask him, officer, why are you arresting us? THe officer responds, because, it is illegal to shoot up in the street, and you are both stupid for sharing a needle. Don't you know you can get AIDS? But officer, said the addicts, we're wearing condoms!

[Durin]

Why does a belgian guy have a knife in the back of his car?
- to cut corners

Whats the latest belgian invention.
-helicopter with an ejection seat

[Durin]

With us its the belgian's who are dumb. Our other jokeable countries, because its inhabitants seem to come here a lot, are marocco, turkey, suriname and the US is becoming increasingly popular too.
Its just kinda difficult to translate these jokes.

[Symptom777]

Dutch jokes - there's 16 million of them!

This isn't racist - but you may appreciate it Durin - you need to say it, and do the actions of course...and saying it in Dutch works too.

Two cod swimming in the north sea, one's English, the other's Dutch. The English cod says "hi" The Dutch cod looks fearfully over his shoulder (?!!?) and says "Fuck, where??"

How to tell someone's nationality on the motorway:

a man is stopped on the side of the road having a piss:

if he's hiding in the bushes, he's English
if he's standing with his back to the road, he's dutch
if he's facing the road, he's belgian

[culinarean]

Most ethnic jokes are interchangeable in their nationalities. As frish pointed out, many jokes in the US are Polish jokes, predominantly in the north. In the southern states, these same jokes are Aggie jokes. In other countries it is other nationalities and whatever group you want to make fun of.

[bitxo]

Spanish jokes are usually about our own nationalities, but we have a series of jokes that start with "An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Spaniard...". There is also a German mode.

But they are so bad...

[Durin]

Originally Posted by Symptom777

Dutch jokes - there's 16 million of them!

This isn't racist - but you may appreciate it Durin - you need to say it, and do the actions of course...and saying it in Dutch works too.

Two cod swimming in the north sea, one's English, the other's Dutch. The English cod says "hi" The Dutch cod looks fearfully over his shoulder (?!!?) and says "Fuck, where??"

How to tell someone's nationality on the motorway:

a man is stopped on the side of the road having a piss:

if he's hiding in the bushes, he's English
if he's standing with his back to the road, he's dutch
if he's facing the road, he's belgian

hehehehe

Those are good fun, I have similar one, but you'll only understand it if you understand the northern dialect (gronings).

An englishmen and a groninger are standing outside looking over a pasture at night. Says the englishman to the groninger "Quiet night", says the groninger 15 minutes later "kwaait ook nait"

What’s the difference between a white bitch and a black bitch? Nothing.

How many racists does it take to lynch a black man? All the baptist in the world.

Why do baptist’s have to speak in tongue? Because they can’t speak ebonics.

Why can’t a white boy jump? Because the black boys never taught him.

Why are black people ignorant? So white people can have someone to blame.

How many white men does it take to kill a black man? None, white men use mind control to make them kill each other instead.

Why do white men always act so uptight? Because big black dicks up their asses hurts like a mother fuck.

Why can’t white people cook soul food? Because the definition of soul isn’t clearly defined in the dictionary.

How does a white woman know a black man is trapped in her body? Everyone calls her a crack head then ignores her.

What do white people call Persian’s? Sand niggers.

What do white people call white people that act black? Whiggers.

What’s the difference between a good ass and a bad ass? Nobody kisses bad ass.

[frish]

Originally Posted by Misfit

What’s the difference between a good ass and a bad ass? Nobody kisses bad ass.

This is a good one.