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Old 03-01-2008, 01:42 PM
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Masculine vs feminine ideas on what makes for a good story

From Creative Writing 101 - A True Story Received From An English Professor:

You know that book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

First, the Assignment:

English 44A SMU Creative Writing Prof. Miller

In-class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary:

Rebecca starts:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Gary:

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed, asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca:

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychologically brutalising the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------

Gary:

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverise the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.

The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporised Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

Rebecca:

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Gary:

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centred, tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Rebecca:

Asshole.

Gary:

Bitch.
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  #2  
Old 03-01-2008, 02:30 PM
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Better idea:

Take a field trip to North Dallas,

Find each student a writing partner on the street.



Living in Zionist Hell, the people who attend SMU are usually nephilim, who instinctivly want to avoid other nephilim.
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Old 03-02-2008, 10:16 AM
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"Masculine vs feminine ideas on what makes for a good story".

I realise I should probably have titled this thread a bit differently, since there may be one (or even two - it's not beyond the bounds of possibility) people here who take the title absolutely literally, and think it's a profound and unerringly accurate piece of insightful social commentary on the differences between men and women, which of course it isn't! ... The profound and insightful social commentary on the differences between men and women lies in the actual content of the message, not in the title. ... But in which bit? That's the question!
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Old 03-02-2008, 05:31 PM
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Sorry Andy. That last post was a reprehensible bit of fun at your expense. I very quickly regretted it, (well actually, it was this whole thread I regretted, at least momentarily) and I will now proceed to punish myself for it, by telling such a corny joke that my reputation for humour is forever tarnished as I deserve, and people here look down on me as a thing to be despised for all time to come.

So here it is, as found on the Internet:

Quote:
Man: Doctor, me leg keeps talkin' to me.

Doc: Don't be ridiculous!

Leg: Lend us a fiver!

Man: Told ya.

Leg: Giz a tenner!

Doc: My God!

Leg: Eh Doc, can you spare 20 quid?
... No, I'm sorry; much as I started out with good intentions, I can't bring myself to inflict on myself the punishment I clearly deserve for my transgressions in this thread, and deliver the dreadful punchline that would bring on myself the everlasting scorn that is clearly my due. Everyone's just going to have to guess what the last sentence is!

Actually, that'll be far more entertaining for people. So will just not knowing what it is. There are many jokes that are far, far more fun without the punchline, which can come as a disappointment after the intriguing creativity of the rest and ruin things!

But of course, that was the idea of my punishment, wasn't it, Andy! If only I was a man, I'd have the bravery to stand up like a man and inflict it on myself. But I'm too much of a coward.
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Old 03-02-2008, 08:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meme Virus View Post
"Masculine vs feminine ideas on what makes for a good story".

I realise I should probably have titled this thread a bit differently, since there may be one (or even two - it's not beyond the bounds of possibility
But not simultaneously, I hate those people.
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:05 PM
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can anyone make any sense of this?
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:15 PM
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Intelligent people can, (and have already, hence my regrets) which is why I didn't really expect you to. The most intelligent thing you can do now is to just forget it ... but of course, I don't expect you to.
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:20 PM
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Sounds to me like a mad person with no real intellectual agenda trying to make a point that they don't even know how to make because there is no point.
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy
Sounds to me like a mad person with no real intellectual agenda trying to make a point that they don't even know how to make because there is no point.
Well what did I say! I new you weren't intelligent enough to just leave this alone. Oh well, looks as if you may be owned again as usual.

Poor Andy.

OK, since your prejudices (probably anti-women ones - they seem to govern you to a large degree) - appear to be so all-consuming that you immediately launch into an attack instead of considering the possibility that if you just take a few seconds to examine the matter in hand you may well work it out for yourself, I will do you the kindness of explaining it to you.

My agenda, however, will remain a secret. ... Whoops, I can imagine your famous paranoia creeping up on you already - don't allow it to! It wasn't actually anything much to do with you, strange as it may seem. Mysterious, eh? No, Andy will interpret that through the filter of his prejudices and his emotion-clouded mind as not being intellectual enough to make sense.

Anyway, to get to the point:

I said,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Me
I realise I should probably have titled this thread a bit differently, since there may be one (or even two - it's not beyond the bounds of possibility)
people here who take the title absolutely literally, and think it's a profound and unerringly accurate piece of insightful social commentary on the differences
between men and women, which of course it isn't! ... The profound and insightful social commentary on the differences between men and women lies in the
actual content of the message, not in the title. ... But in which bit? That's the question!
Translation for Andy:

Andy seems to imagine the differences between men and women are set in stone, no room for differences of degree or overlap, and as he has clearly demonstrated in this thread, seems to be rather lacking in his ability to recognise humour. He also seems to be in the habit of taking quotes about women, certainly from famous people, absolutely literally, and rather than viewing them as the proverbial quips they often are, will take them as profound absolutes, and actually base his views of women to a large extent on them. I could find the evidence and quote it, but I can't be bothered right now.

It certainly wasn't beyond the bounds of possibility that he would thus take the story I started this thread with with great seriousness, and add to his prejudices about women with the impression he gained of women from what the young woman in the story said.

I went on to joke that of course it wasn't the title that contained the profound social insights but the Content of what I said. Well, it would be, if it was anything at all, now wouldn't it be, as the title hardly said a thing! Joke! But then I ended by jokingly putting forward the question as to which bit of the content it was, implicitly suggesting that Andy-Pandy might think some bits were more significant than others. For example, he might conceivably consider the bit about the young woman being neurotic and self-centred to be a far more profound piece of commentary on the character of women than the bit about asthmatics at the beginning. Again, I wasn't being entirely serious there.

But I regretted the post and even said I ought to punish myself for it. I apologised to him!! Andy should have taken this as an act of placation and contrition, but in his typical non-comprehensive style, he did no such thing, and with his usual primitive instincts, went straight onto the attack. Silly boy! You really can't expect to get on too well with women if you can't even recognise an apology when you see it!!

If you need any more explanation, Andy, just ask. I'll be all too happy to oblige. Of course, if you'd rather ask for it in your usual code, - you know, I've worked out now that "seems like a non-intellectual mad person with no agenda whose posts entirely lack content" actually means, "Explain yourself further please, no matter how much it embarrasses me", - then just let me know in that.
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Old 03-03-2008, 01:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy View Post
can anyone make any sense of this?
The faster you "don't understand", the more racist you are.
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Old 03-03-2008, 08:19 PM
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Both of you appear to be only slightly sane. Of course, you will not understand this being in the grip of your psychosis; enjoy. It's just a shame you fill up the space on Icestorm's HD with unintelligible shite and have nothing else to do.

I'd love it if either of you one day wrote something that amounted to an idea or a genuine expression of something obviously human and real. Unfortunately so battered are your minds that you have retreated somewhere that does not permit genuine communication.
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Old 03-03-2008, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy
Both of you appear to be only slightly sane. Of course, you will not understand this being in the grip of your psychosis; enjoy. It's just a shame you fill
up the space on Icestorm's HD with unintelligible shite and have nothing else to do.
For the uninitiated, Andy is using code here. He's given me the means of deciphering it. No one else here is that privileged. However, I can tell you with confidence that what he really just said is,

"I like to live dangerously. My sociopathic/misogynistic disorder makes me want to take risks that most people would consider unreasonable. These risks, however, are common to people with pathological anger problems like myself. Unfortunately, I don't possess the means to go bungee jumping or white-water rafting or engage in extreme ironing on a cliff face, being unemployed and thus currently earning very little, and I therefore have to resort to the slightly less exciting pastime, though it's still a good one, of seeing how close I can sail to the wind on Frostcloud without getting an infraction from a moderator for a flagrant personal attack. I hope you understand that this is what I Need to do to stop my brain imploding upon itself due to the energy currents pulsating around it because of all the unused adrenaline flooding my system. Perhaps once I've got a few infractions, I'll get bored of this extreme cybersailing and move onto another substitute extreme sport.

In the meantime, thank you for your patience in bearing with me."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy
I'd love it if either of you one day wrote something that amounted to an idea or a genuine expression of something obviously human and real. Unfortunately
so battered are your minds that you have retreated somewhere that does not permit genuine communication.
This is also code. I will now proceed to translate. Andy has given me permission to do so, since this is really an exercise in me demonstrating to the board my supreme Andycode-deciphering skills. Andy is facilitating me to demonstrate this impressive skill because he wants me to be admired. He's showing kindness. Andy really means here:

"I'd like you to say more things that I personally agree with. I don't think you agree with me nearly enough. I'd like you to tell me how wonderful I am, stop to eulogise in gushing admiration at my posts, and do more of the things I'd like you to do without me even having to explain specifically what they are. You should be able to read my mind and just know.

Furthermore, if you do start to do this, I promise that if I ever get a job again and can afford to go extreme ironing on a cliff face, you can come with me, and you can even be the one to do all my ironing. I'm sure you must like extreme sports too!"

----------

I thank Andy for being so willing to reveal his innermost self by expressing these thoughts that most people in his position would prefer to keep private. I think we can all respect him for his candid honesty.

And once again, Andy, thank you for allowing me to demonstrate my supreme Andycode-deciphering skills so I can be admired by the board members.

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