So Storyteller, tell us about Sri Lanka

[Meme Virus]

I didn't know much about it, so I had a brief look in Wikipedia. It says it's officially called the "Democratic socialist Republic of Sri Lanka". What?! How did it manage to escape being invaded by the Americans with a name like that? They used to be rather hostile to countries with names like that!

It says the culture and language is roughly the same as Indian culture and language. So does that mean you talk with an Indian-type accent? Do you sound like the typical call centre employee someone in the UK might find themselves talking to on the other end of the phone if, for example, they get a bill from their phone company for trillions of pounds with a demand they pay immediately, and they want to know what on earth's going on and have things put right?

[Storyteller]

[Storyteller]

well, well, well.

[Storyteller]

...

[Storyteller]

Originally Posted by Meme Virus

What?! How did it manage to escape being invaded by the Americans with a name like that? They used to be rather hostile to countries with names like that!

Oh, they were hostile all right, but good old Commander Menmon here put a stop to all that. Uncle Sam nearly passed out in fright when, upon rounding a bend in the indian ocean and catching his first glimpse of that durned little coontry we gonna stick up our assholes, me lads, he saw through his telescope not a statue of liberty grinning like a mormon at him from the shores of Ceylon, but Goliath's elder brother giving him the finger in no uncertain terms.
"Ado! patha palathe enna epa, therunada!" roared this spectre, Menmon, causing General Eisenhower's freshly starched white pants to turn brown like magic. Turned out that this was a clever chameleon style camoflage technique used by the US Navy. It was their secret weapon, in fact.

[Storyteller]

Originally Posted by Meme Virus

It says the culture and language is roughly the same as Indian culture and language. So does that mean you talk with an Indian-type accent? Do you sound like the typical call centre employee someone in the UK might find themselves talking to on the other end of the phone if, for example, they get a bill from their phone company for trillions of pounds with a demand they pay immediately, and they want to know what on earth's going on and have things put right?

Well, I've never had the time to listen to a typical call centre employee someone in the UK might find themselves talking to on the other end of the phone if, for example, they get a bill from their phone company for trillions of pounds with a demand they pay immediately.
If I did, do you think I just might mistake them for Cashback/Symptom, meme? Let us have your angle on the matter.

[Meme Virus]

By a quirky coincidence of fate, no sooner had I written that than my broadband connection, which I get through my phone company, was struck down like a television aerial hit by a hurricane, and I had to phone the blighters to get it sorted out. I was put through to just such a person as I described, someone in an Indian call centre with quite a thick Indian accent. To my surprise, one of the first things he said was,

"I sound almost like that Storyteller on Frostcloud. The only difference is that he's got a twang in his accent that makes it sound as if he's spent a few years in Singapore".

Well, it seems now that he was mistaken, since you say you don't have an Indian accent. But he said more!

I said I was surprised he'd heard of you and Frostcloud, but he said everyone in the call centre had heard of you; in fact, he said, you used to work there, and had become famous, as a result of getting the record for the most calls handled in one day. He said the most calls you'd dealt with in one day was 754!

Astonished, I asked him how on earth you'd managed it. He sounded mystified, saying he didn't know; but at the same time, he sounded impressed, saying he would feel exhausted after handling a comparatively mere 20 calls in one day, which would seem a long day for him, and that sometimes, he was on the phone to one person for three hours while he helped them sort out a complicated fault. So he could only wonder at your amazing feat.

So solve the mystery for us: How did you manage to handle an entire 754 calls in one day?!

[Storyteller]

That was pretty easy. I had this stern, stiff lipped secretary with iron grey hair tied up in a bun, who had 11 arms, so she was able to manage a lot of calls simultaneously. You will hardly beleive me if I tell you what her name was, meme!

[Meme Virus]

Presumably she also had eleven heads so she could talk to eleven people at once? No wonder you were famous! Did she also enjoy swimming LochNess?

[Storyteller]

Originally Posted by Meme Virus

Did she also enjoy swimming LochNess?

Wait, Ill ask her.
AHOY, MEME! Gotta little quesion to ask you, marm-Did you enjoy swimming in Lochness? Whats that? You actually tied for second place in the freestyle event with the Loch Ness monster back in 1921, when you were just thirteen? Oh, you were the Loch ness monster yourslelf.
Well, no wonder, with all those limbs of yours, (not to mention that pyramid shaped body), you'd have made Genghis Khan go white as a stevedore's underwear, and convert to Islam at the speed of sound!

[Meme Virus]

Now tell me: Is it true that in Sri Lanka, people wear strings of hard-boiled eggs around their necks so they can eat one whenever they like during the day? And the trouble is that if someone falls over or someone else bumps into them hard, some of the eggs break and the egg goes all over them, and that's the origin of the phrase about having egg all over one's face? I wondered where that came from.

What a fun spectacle that must be to watch!

[Storyteller]

Originally Posted by Meme Virus

Now tell me: Is it true that in Sri Lanka, people wear strings of hard-boiled eggs around their necks so they can eat one whenever they like during the day? And the trouble is that if someone falls over or someone else bumps into them hard, some of the eggs break and the egg goes all over them, and that's the origin of the phrase about having egg all over one's face? I wondered where that came from.

What a fun spectacle that must be to watch!

No that expression originated in Thailand. You see, waht happened was that Winston Churchill once visited that place, and someone in teh crowds gathered to see him caled him an egghead. ou know old winne, always ready with a comeback. hat he did no this ocasion was to hurl an egg straight at the offender's face, who, unfortunatley, hapenedto be the wicket keeperfor aimabwe at the time. he caught it easily, and hurled it right back at winei, roaring howzat?? when it broke all over winnie's face.
And what do ou mean, "thailand hadnt been discovered at the tmie winnie was alive? like you woul nkow..you were born three whole years after the boer war! you're too young, meme!

[Memnon]

her informers are so dumb that every time she gets something new...

she has to ask us and check on the info...

[Meme Virus]

OK, game set and match to you boys.

Of course, that's just what Storyteller would expect, being a tennis master. ... Or is it a chess master?

Oh yes, I remember now: He was once asked to play Tennis at Wimbledon. He felt quite honoured, but was puzzled when he surveyed the court a couple of hours before the game to notice there were no chess pieces on the court.

He thought he'd remedy that right away and set out a full board's worth on it.

During the match, he was somehow under the impression that the idea of the game was that each player had to knock the other one's chess pieces over with the ball. He knocked all his opponents' players over with it, but was puzzled to note that his opponent didn't knock any of his down at all. He thought he must be a seventh-rate opponent, and at the end of the match, considered he'd won a resounding victory!

So he was rather irate when the umpire declared the match a draw.

He went and complained vociferously to the umpire, who relented and said that since he was so upset, a winner could be decided on by means of a penalty shoot-out.

Goal posts were set up at one end of the tennis court, and the idea would be that each player had to kick the tennis ball and try to get it in the net while the opponent tried to catch it.

But Storyteller, still thinking it was some kind of game of chess, demanded his opponent dress up as a chess piece.

His opponent obligingly did so.

Storyteller, still thinking the idea was to knock chess pieces down, kicked the tennis ball straight at his opponent during the penalty shoot-out. His opponent caught the ball every time.

At the end, the umpire declared that his opponent had won a resounding victory. Storyteller protested, but this time, there was nothing he could do.

The match went down in the history of Wimbledon tennis as the greatest game of football ever played on Centre Court.

[Memnon]

right! i am sure i have heard of it somewhere....

must be that sports assignment of my five year old cousin....

he always gets confused about which sport ST plays....

but meme your informers should be ashamed of using a five year old's work to impress the great meme....