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  #1  
Old 07-22-2010, 07:53 PM
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Theories the science establishment, in their ignorance, laugh at

There was a poster here called I-AM-A-GENIUS, who shook the science establishment to the core with his theories disproving accepted science wisdom. He was unfortunately banned from here. Some rumours say he was a victim of a secret plot by top scientists to silence him. Other rumous say he caught a terrible disease called Burkhill's Insultarama from which he died.

In any case, it would be a pity for his theories to languish in obscurity, so I'm resurrecting them. I do so in the humour forum as a touch of irony. These are the theories scientists laugh at so heartily, and yet in secret, they shake at the knees at the shaking of the science world these theories cause.

Behold, then, the I-AM-A-GENIUS science theories.

(I'll put some here today and some in the next few days.)
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  #2  
Old 07-22-2010, 07:55 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS disproves the intersecting line

I MAY WIN A NOBEL FOR THIS... IVE DISPROVED THE INTERSECTING LINE!!!!!!!!!

What is an intersecting line? it is, in effect, a situation that arises when 'one line crosses another line.' That is, at least, the present definition like as it might be of an infallacious nature, which in fact it is not. There are more holes in that definition than there are in a sugar seive. In fact, all these tiny holes coalsce into one gigantic hole the size of the rip between races in society, and I will now proceed to rag to light this gaping hole, nay, this chevasse.

You see, it is simple. For a line to intersect another, at one point, a part of both those lines must needs be in th same point in space! And that, according to the laws of the universe that we live in, is absolutely impossible! No two things can be in the exact same place at the same time!!

So you see that, after all, it was an unfortunate disaster that mathematician ANDREI TIKHONOV was born.. It would have been better for the world if he had not lived in the first place, for the magnitude of the shock waves that erupted from the terrible crushing that I have just subjected this great glutonny oaf to, have just caused a Tidal wave off the west coast of Siberia, measuring 8+ on the Richter scale...

The death toll has been measured at around 4000, according to BBC reporter I.C Acunt (commonly know as "Symptom 777' by his family and friends) reporting live from the site of the carnage.
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Old 07-22-2010, 07:57 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS disproves evolution

IVE JUST DISPROVED EVOLUTION!!!! FOOLS THAT MEN HAVE BEEN, WHEN IT WAS SO SIMPLE...

According to Darwins theory, man evolved from flora and fiona. Now, the big problem here, is that 1 flora + 1 fiona = 2 units.

So far, all is going fine. The 5 foot old gentleman with a 6 foot beard, and a two ton brain, Mr C. Darwin, laughs at this young upstart trying to upset his beautifully constructed theories.

But now, we come to the tiny little parts that just wont fit in with this idea…

2 UNITS?? HOW CAN THERE HAVE BEEN 2???? According to science, everything, absolutely EVERYTHING, evolved from flora and fiona. That includes the concept of numbers!!!

HIS THEORY CLAIMS THAT, AN OBJECT EXISTED BEFORE IT DID, A PARADOXICAL IDEA!!! THUS THAT OLD GENT IN THE JURY BOX HAS REASONED AGAINST HIS OWN SELF!!!!

Having played my master move like Bobby Fischer, crushing Darwin as easily as I would crush you, I would like to make my final speech.

I hope, my dear reader, that this CHAIN OF REASONING, will not confuse you, for which reason I have put it as simply as possible for your benefit. I APOLOGIZE IF I HAVE SOMEWHAT BEFUDDLED YOUR WITS.

Thank you.
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Old 07-22-2010, 07:58 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS disproves the number

I MAY WIN A NOBEL FOR THIS... IVE DISPROVED THE NUMBER!!!!!!!!!

Take any number, for example 12. Now the instant you see this number, what is the first thing that instantly strikes you?

Answer -Nothing, unless at that moment the school bully's fist is travelling at a high rate of velocity towards your eye.

I mean, being the great unobservant, dull coots that 87.903% of you are, you obviously can see nothing in so commonplace an entity as the number twelve, unless it reminds you of the time when you first realized that you were sprouting grass where you had previously been dry desert.

However, look close enough and you will see... what?

Yes, I see that eager unpraised hand at the back...yes, vampire? No, you do not see images of you marching in the Hitler youth. Any body else? No?

Well, then, I'll tell you. Look closely and you'll see that there is a gap between the no.1 and the no.2! In other words, there is a space, a vacuum, in fact a ZERO between the one and the two!! So you see that 12 has become 102! or 1002, or 1000...!

So theorotically, the number twelve does not exist! and according to the same chain of reasoning, No number exists at all as one!

Having crushed with such considerable force...hey, where did all the mathematicians go? there's not a single one here..apparantly they've all run away. Want to be subjected to a lashing from me, they dont. Well, so much for courage.
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:00 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS describes how to create water in the desert

I MAY WIN A CHAIR AT OXFORD FOR THIS…MY BRILLIANT THEORY ‘A’ !!!!!!!!!!!!

Assume you are stuck in the middle of the desert. You look around you. A vast sea of sand stretches on and on everywhere you look. Sand, sand and more sand… Or is it? No it is Not! Sand, my grandfather’s second cousin.

What you are really looking at is tonnes and tones of cool, crystal clear water!

Do I hear gasps of amazement from the crowd? Let me, then, elaborate.

Well, I say, use you teeth! Take a piece of sand, and bite it till you get one atom of silicon. Bite off the necessary amounts of protons and neutrons from this atom, till you have ‘carved’ it into one atom of Hydrogen. In a similar fashion, keep carving other atoms into Hydrogen, and react them in the burning sun with the air, whence water will surely form. Keep at this process till you have converted the entire desert into water. Next, simply…

Halloa, what is this sudden disturbance that has seized my million plus member audience? Oh, of course, one young woman has fainted with awe at my brilliant departure. (I am DELIGHTED to see that this woman is none other than that Nazi thug, vampire. I will personally make a note to give a severe reprimand to the security personell who were careless enough to admit so dangerous a murderer as this woman to this meeting.)

And thus ends the first of a series of scintillating facets of the diamond that is composed of the theories that I will render visible in this forum. Thank-ank-k You-ou-u. (Mon Dieu, how this place echoes.)
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:04 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS disproves wise sayings

I MAY WIN A CHAIR AT HARVARD FOR THIS…MY BRILLIANT THEORY ‘B’ !!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS THEORY DEALS WITH SOME COMMON SAYINGS, AND MY COMMENTS UPON THEM, WHICH MOCK THEM AND MOCK THEM AND MOCK THEM TILL THEY SCREAM FOR MERCY, ONLY NO ONE HEARS THEM, BECAUSE I HAVE RIPPED OUT THEIR VOCAL CORDS BY A SEARING FLASH OF MY GENIUS...

Money doesn't bring happiness -

But it does prevent a lot of sadness.

Don't cry over spilt milk -

why not? Cry enough, and the tears will dissolve with the milk, and the mixture will flow into the nearest river, whence it will be taken up by the water cycle. Next time it rains, you will get it all back.

After that, my life started going downhill

on an upside down-hill?

Do not speak unless you are spoken to

If every person on earth followed that advice, no one would be speaking.

I would have smashed to atoms yet more 'wise' sayings, only they all scatterd, screaming in fear, like flour in a typhoon when i put out my hand to put them in my bag... In a flash of pity, I decided to leave them alone for now, and, hoisting my sack over my left shoulder, I strode off into the distance, laughing, and kept going till I disappeared over the darkening horizon in the falling dusk, and walked out of this page.. I AM THE GREATEST!!!
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:05 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS disproves Newton

I MAY WIN A NOBEL FOR THIS... IVE DISPROVED NEWTON!!!!!!!

Newtons first Law of motion says, “Every body will remain at rest, or in a uniform state of motion unless acted upon by a force.” However. Force can only be caused by matter, IN WHICH CASE THAT MATTER HAD TO BE IN MOTION IN THE FIRST PLACE...

This simple observation, yet overlooked with such amazingly deplorable lack of foresight by “Greats” such as Newton himself, now opens up the line for my final stunning combination to crush Isaac’s theory, similar to the way I so often crush my opponents, master or otherwise, in chess…

For If it was in motion, it too must have been acted upon by a force, i.e another object which had been acted upon by a force caused by… etc etc, it goes on like a cycle.

Now this is the paradox. What caused the Force in the first place, if the force was caused by an object that initially had to be acted upon by a force which couldn’t have existed unless another object acted upon by a force which could only have been caused by an object caused by a force, and so on ad infinitum?

HAVING THUS CRUSHED NEWTON WITH SUCH TERRIBLE FORCE, LEAVING THE WISPS OF WHAT IS LEFT OF HIS IDEAS GROVELLING IN THE DUST, I NOW TAKE MY LEAVE TO GO ON TO CRUSH MY NEXT WRETCHED VICTIM…GOODBYE.
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:07 PM
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I-AM-A-GENIUS proves the universe is non-existent

MY LAST THEORY.. I MAY WIN A NOBEL FOR THIS-IVE PROVED THE UNIVERSE IS NONEXISTENT!!!

Consider this statement -

"This sentence is a lie"

Assume this statement is true. But if it is true, then it must needs be a lie actually, in which case it cannot be true at all!

Assume, then, that this statement is a lie. But if it is a lie that it is a lie, then it must be true, but in that case it would be false, in which case the statement would be true!!

This statement, therefore, is oscillating between truth and falsehood at infinity time an infinitieth of a second! But that would take it out of space and time, but it is really within the universe!

But then, the universe cannot bear such a statement!! It must explode to oblivion! And in that case, the universe, you see, does not really exist!!

The universe, therefore, is NON EXISTENT!!!!

FINI
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:06 AM
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you told us to consider the statement...

if we don't consider it....

the universe exists....

and if we do consider it....

the whole post above is a lie.....

each and every sentence....

since you never told us which sentence....

that we have to consider....

therefore you have disproved nothing....

but it was quite eloquent .....

especially since you posted hell of a lot on your own...
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Is the coward...
The one who stays and fights his fears becomes the Hero...

this was how they faced the world alone...
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Memnon View Post
you told us to consider the statement...

if we don't consider it....

the universe exists....

and if we do consider it....

the whole post above is a lie.....

each and every sentence....

since you never told us which sentence....

that we have to consider....

therefore you have disproved nothing....

but it was quite eloquent .....

especially since you posted hell of a lot on your own...
What?!!! How Dare You contradict an old I-AM-A-GENIUS theory like this! Don't you know who I-AM-A-GENIUS is?! And you're supposed to be his friend! A volcano may even now be erupting somewhere off the coast of Brazil, because of the shock waves you've sent around the world! You'd better not do it again!

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Old 07-23-2010, 02:27 PM
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lol....
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All men fear...
The one who runs away from what he/she fears...
Is the coward...
The one who stays and fights his fears becomes the Hero...

this was how they faced the world alone...
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:31 PM
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Why, thank you so much, Meme! A pretty little tribute to my good friend IAAG indeed..Unfortunately, as you know, that good old man is sadly no longer with us, but the good news is that he phoned me from St Albert's cemetery and told me that I was to go up on stage and accept this trophy on his behalf. Well, meme, speaking on behalf of my dearly departed pal- I've never felt so flattered, since William the Conqueror told me that I was more cunning than he at building walls around Ego mountains to defend them from attack!
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Old 07-24-2010, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meme Virus View Post
I MAY WIN A NOBEL FOR THIS... IVE DISPROVED THE INTERSECTING LINE!!!!!!!!!
The reson that you are mental, is adequately demonstrated here. A lime is not a thing.
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Old 07-24-2010, 05:15 PM
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The reson that you are mental, is adequately demonstrated here. A lime is not a thing.
Symptom, did you just utter the rather bizarre statement that a ... a lime is not a thing?

Well, apart from the fact that it very much is a thing, I never actually said it was before; in fact I didn't say a word about limes.

Incidentally, I heard about you on the news again today. What strange things you get up to!

Quote:
Drink driver pretended to be the Pope

A drunk driver claimed spiritual immunity when he was pulled over in Holland by pretending to be the Pope.

The motorist, discovered to be Symptom777, told police he was Pope John Paul II, refused to get out of his car and turned his music up when they stopped him on a road just outside Baarn.

The officers said they could tell immediately he was not the Pontiff as the inebriated man was in his 50s.

And although the 83-year-old Pope speaks Dutch, he is known to do so with a strong Polish accent.

Symptom's son, who was in the passenger seat, managed to defuse the situation and persuade the bogus pontiff to get out of the car and face earthly justice.

Police confiscated Symptom's licence after he failed a breath test.
You are a naughty boy!
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Old 07-24-2010, 05:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Meme Virus View Post
Symptom, did you just utter the rather bizarre statement that a ... a lime is not a thing?
Depends on what he meant by 'lime'. He may, for example, have been referring to the fact that 'limey Brits aint things of much worth', in which case, I should certainly think at least thrice before treating him to one of my infamous verbal shellings. Dont you agree?
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