Interview with Ameen

FrostCloud Member Interview
This Month’s Member: Ameen
Member Profile: http://www.frostcloud.com/forum/member.php?u=1688


> 1) You’ve already told us a little bit about yourself in your introductory
thread. What are some of your goals in life? What do you personally hope to
accomplish in your future?

More than anything else, I want the change to happen when I yell "Shazam!"—an act in which I engage at least once a week. Somehow, somewhere, some way, I want the magic lightning from the comic book to change me into Captain Marvel.

To understand my greatest fantasy is to understand me. I have been a comic book maven ever since my father bought me my first two comics in 1973. I tend to go for comics that were published before I was born, and I am ten times prouder of the articles I have published on vintage comics than I am all the unbelievably boring academic stuff I write--which people are foolish enough to read!

Beyond that, I love to be lazy and have fun as much as the next person, but when I assume my classroom persona I am deadly serious and positively obsessed. I go out of my way to fight the system and help my (immigrant, non-native English speaking) university students combat academic impasses even when, as it usually does, it requires me to work far more hours than those for which I am paid. (You see the mindset here… I become a super-hero when I am with my students… I also become the minister I had once wanted to be… Sometimes even I think I am pathetic, but at least my students benefit.)

My goal? I would like continued success at work, and many more articles and books published.

I have learned to speak Italian and French well, and I am going to start Dutch. It would be nice (even if unrealistic) to master at least a dozen other tongues. “To reach the impossible dream…”



> 2) You say that you are “Semi-Atheist / Semi-Agnostic.” What exactly does this
mean or are you still somewhat confused about your stance?

I am less confused now than I have been at any point in my life. I started as a mainstream Presbyterian and then became interested in a Fundamentalist cult by the time I was in my mid-teens. After a few more years, I became a doubter and then an agnostic. I have no idea how long I was agnostic, as there was no clear transition from Christianity to agnosticism, but the agnostic period lasted for somewhere between ten and twenty years.

After more than a decade as an agnostic (but, really, a practical atheist since I had little to do with religion beyond mocking it), I started getting religious again last year--which is why I joined, among other things, the Christian message board about which I have posted. Well, that and my being pissed at a Southern Baptist in my life and wanting to find Christian ammunition on the message board to hurl at him… Then I was agnostic again. Then I was Christian again. Then I was most definitely agnostic again.

Two months ago, after reading many deconversion letters on positiveatheism.org and devouring many books (especially Dan Barker's Losing Faith in Faith: From Preacher to Atheist), I finally had the courage to admit that I had been an atheist all along--even in my most Fundamentalist moments.

So, yes, I am a new atheist (in terms of being honest with myself) even though I have actually been an atheist all my life. You see, even when I was a gung ho Fundamentalist, I still believed in evolution (!) and modern psychology. (Thank the Goddess I was raised in New York City!)

I truly believe that there is no God--but, as in my approach to everything, I never say that I am unquestionably right. Therefore, I am still somewhat of an agnostic--but not really since I am no longer questioning whether or not God exists. I am thus truly an atheist--but not really since I never believe or disbelieve anything 100%. My head hurts after typing this paragraph...



> 3) Do you think gays are heavily oppressed in America?

Absolutely. But while we are not as lucky as many Western European gays, we have it much better here than gays in, say, Afghanistan or Zimbabwe. There are many countries in which even straight women are forced to endure barbaric practices like clitorectomies.

Further, as a native New Yorker who calls The New York Times his bible of sorts, I have had it easier than many fellow gays who have fled to New York (or Los Angeles, San Francisco, Atlanta…) from small rural towns where everyone goes to the same church and hates fags, Jews, blacks, liberals, and feminists. I myself was taught to hate gays as a child, and many right here in Liberal Town, USA have never gotten over that notion. There are very few places where I can show any affection to a same-sex date. Even same-sex couples who merely hold hands can get beaten in a supposedly ‘safe’ neighborhood like Greenwich Village. Gangs of teens from New Jersey and Long Island are always on the prowl for victims in the Village.

I have an apartment in a Brooklyn neighborhood called Bay Ridge, seven miles from where the World Trade Center used to stand. Most of the people around here live in houses instead of apartments, and the illusion of the suburbs is everywhere even though we are most definitely not in the suburbs. It may be New York proper, but the suburban attitude prevails. Being beaten to death is a real fear gays in my neighborhood must face. But once we queens burn down our closets, we do not go back no matter what.



> 4) Do you believe religion is dangerous?

Absolutely. But not all religious people are dangerous. There are many religious people I care for in my life.

Fundamentalism scares me more than anything else. Fundamentalist Muslims attacked us on 9-11, but I do not think Fundamentalist Christians like Fred Phelps and gang are any better. Given the chance, I am sure they would go after fags, Jews, blacks, liberals, and feminists…

And then there is the most evil group in creation (in my opinion): Southern Baptists. These people target Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Catholics, Mormons, gays, and many others for conversion, breaking up families and spreading hate wherever they go. Recently, Southern Baptists succeeded in turning back the clock by calling on women to be subservient to their husbands. Point out Jane Fonda and I will march alongside her.


> 5) Living in New York City, do you feel like you’re a target for terrorism? In
other words, are you fearful of another terrorist strike in your own home city?

Maybe you should ask me how I feel as an Arab-American living in New York City, where many were beaten and abused after 9-11

Here is something I posted on a different board after the attacks:

I went in to teach at Brooklyn College the morning of 09/11/01, and I spent most of my time calming down students, many of them not my own. The college is the borderline between a large Jewish neighborhood and a large Afro-Caribbean neighborhood, and many Israeli officials were educated in it. It was not clear at the time that the terrorists' targets were random, and the large on-campus Jewish Community feared it was next. In addition, Brooklyn College is the largest public university in New York City's most populous borough. And, of course, New York is America’s premier city. All this seemed to make the college a natural target.

Around 1:00, the college was evacuated by order of the College President.

As I took the bus home, I saw people crying in the streets. The police were everywhere. My bus was stopped before it reached my neighborhood, as nothing was allowed past the army base close to my apartment. I had to walk the rest of the way home.

Two days later there was a bomb scare on campus, and everyone was evacuated again. This time, at least, we were allowed back in the buildings once Security had "secured" the area.

The next week there was an anti-Muslim/anti-Arab backlash on campus. Some of it even spilled over to distrust of people of African descent since a number of American-born African Americans are Muslim. Fights had to be contained. I am half Arab, and I have always made my pride clear to everyone. For this reason, Muslim students sought me out for advice and help. Some wore American flags to ward off possible attackers. People all over the city, some of them Hindus and Sikhs from India, were savagely beaten by angry Americans looking to take revenge.

The mosque in my neighborhood had to have 24 hour police protection.

A number of people from my neighborhood died when the Towers fell, but, fortunately, those close to me were not among them. Unfortunately, three guys I knew by face in my gym, all of whom were in their mid-twenties, died that day. They had been friends since Catholic grammar school, and one of them had gotten jobs for the other two in his World Trade Center law firm.

So, getting back to the question at hand:

I do not fear another terrorist attack on New York because I know beyond any doubt that there will be one. In a city of millions, however, the chances of being one of the thousands killed are slim. We get natural disasters in New York, too, but I cannot waste my life worrying about them either.

Besides, if I am going to worry, my greatest fear is getting bashed for being Arab-American or gay, a part of biology over which I have no choice.



> 6) From your profile, you say that you’re a teacher. What are some of the
rewards of your job? What are its drawbacks?

The best reward is that I work with human beings instead of paper.

The worst drawback is that I work with human beings instead of paper.

Recently, a woman from Haiti whom I had not seen in years stopped me and started thanking me profusely. Years ago, I had gone out of my way to get her through a dehumanizing series of undergraduate exams because, while she knew all the work and wrote beautiful essays, she panicked during multiple choice tests and kept failing over and over. No one else would take her seriously, and I got in trouble for being my usual obnoxious self and forcing a somewhat unethical appeal. One of my colleagues had called Marie illiterate. Marie now has a Master’s Degree and is teaching both French and Spanish in a local high school.

I can tell you many stories about male and female Maries from Russia, China, Israel, Nigeria, Poland, Mexico, Egypt…

Marie’s story sums up my feelings very nicely. I am no longer a Christian, but I do believe in the nearly universal notion of reaching out to others (which I learned through Christianity). I also heal my own mental wounds when I enable others to heal.


> 7) Who are some of your heroes and/or personal role models?

As a child I wanted Endora of Bewitched and Fred and Ethel Mertz of I Love Lucy for grandparents. I grew up with three grandparents, hence my lack of more than one fantasy grandfather. My fantasies about fiction, comic books, movies, and TV shows are what helped me survive the so-called wonder years.

I also wanted to be a cousin or brother to Bo and Luke on The Dukes of Hazzard. I was taught that desiring men was wrong, but I reasoned it would be all right to sleep in their arms if they were blood relatives. I dreamt about their tight pants, open shirts, impish smiles… Still, my fantasies were PG rated at best. And, yes, I masturbated. But if you had asked me if I were gay, I would have said no. I was, after all, a Christian.

In real life I admire:

1). I admire my Great Aunt Josie (my Sicilian grandmother’s sister), deceased. She came from a white trash family with nine siblings and was the only one who educated herself, took her Catholicism seriously and thus spent much time volunteering for charities, championed oppressed Africans in South Africa as early as the 1960s--when few white Americans gave a damn, married an Irishman even though it was taboo for Italians and Irish to mix in America, walked for miles at a time even when she was in her 70s because she worked aggressively on her health, read voraciously, and gave me love as almost no one else did then or does today. Sadly, she was unable to conceive children. Anyone fortunate enough to have called her mother would have been blessed. She has been gone for more than ten years, and I still miss her something fierce.

2). I admire Ms. Gertrude Shea, deceased. She was the one educator (actually the librarian in my grammar school) who really made a difference in my young life, who opened up the world to me. Initially, she seemed very strict: a tall, older woman with business blouses, long dark skirts, hair pulled back tightly, conservative jewelry (usually simple earrings and a simple necklace), and a look that would strike terror in the U.S. Marines if they dared to misbehave on her watch. She was a stickler for proper pronunciation, and one of her goals in life was to convince children born in New York City to pronounce the word “library” correctly. “I like apple pie and blueberry pie,” she would say, “but I have never eaten liberry pie.”

After getting past first impressions, it was easy to discover what a kind, deeply caring person Ms. Shea was; it was all in the twinkle in her Celtic eyes. She called me her “special friend” when I was teased and humiliated by other children, and she would often sit down with me on her own time to discuss the books I loved. Finding an adult who could talk about L. Frank Baum and Laura Ingalls Wilder—and who did not call my ideas “stupid”—was quite a novelty. Even more wonderful, she recommended additional books that I liked as much as she had promised I would. More wonderful still, we discussed the real world and what was happening in it.

3). I admire my parents and sister for remaining human after overcoming brainwashing and our dysfunctional extended family of murderers, drug addicts, alcoholics, extortionists, cheats, and so on. (Even Aunt Josie’s father—my great-grandfather—fled to America because he murdered his landlord in Sicily. He could not even go to Argentina, where most of the family had emigrated, because they knew what he had done.) I forgive my parents for all they did not do when I was a child, as their own parents were off the wall and they truly did not know any better.

4). I admire Thomas, my best friend, for showing me that friendship does indeed exist and for sticking by me even when I am at my worst.

5). I admire Ernest Shackleton for tenacity.

6). I admire Hermann Hesse for daring to see AND leaving a record of what he saw. And for writing my favorite book, Narcissus and Goldmund (the story of the uncanny friendship between two monks, one religious and one worldly, in medieval Austria).

7). I admire Audrey Meadows for playing Alice Kramden on The Honeymooners—a real woman among all the 1950s and 60s stereotypes.

8). I admire Madalyn Murray O’Hair for being an atheist and a bitch.

9). I admire Nolanvs (also known as Hereticus Rex), Rev. Jennifer, [Rob], and Jomar for being Christians among Pharisees.

10). I admire all Universalists, Quakers, Atheists, and Agonstics for daring to believe what they truly believe.




> 8) Anything else you’d like to say to the members of FrostCloud?

Yes. I don’t know what I’m talking about.